Okay, kinda liked each other a lot! Our communications moved from messaging online to texting and then to talking on the phone. Everything was going great, and we had an amazing connection. Two weeks into getting to know each other, Jacob sent me an email one night. He texted me before I opened the email that he was terrified for me to read it.
As a young and probably slightly dumb 21 year old, Jacob had gotten blackout drunk at a party and attempted to have sex with a woman who was also at the party. But, Jacob tried to have sex with a woman who was not consenting to have sex. Jacob went on in the email to describe that he woke up out of the blackout hours later because he was being beaten and kicked on the ground outside. He had no memory of what had happened, and he had no memory of how he even got outside.wildbapernekind.gq/map26.php
Women Reveal What It's Like to Be in a Relationship With a Sex Offender and Why They Stay
All he knew at the time was that he had gotten extremely drunk and had done a very bad thing and that he was in some serious shit for what he did. Jacob ended up serving time in prison for the offense that he committed that night. He has been a registered sex offender for over twenty years now, and he will be for the rest of his life. He thought I should know, and he found the courage to be very upfront with me very early on in our getting-to-know-each-other-phase about what he had done. He was extremely remorseful in the email for what had happened.
He wished he could go back in time and change the events of that night, because that young woman did not deserve what he had done to her. I actually cried when I read the email because of the pain I could feel in his words, the pain he still felt about hurting another person.
I just found out i'm working with a convicted sex offender
He told me that he is gentle and kind and a good person, and has never been in any other kind of trouble since. He also told me that every where he lives, and once a year, he still has to register as a sex offender, 23 years after this event happened. He said if I chose to never contact him again, that he would respect that and leave me alone. There is something else here to consider….
As a recovering alcoholic myself, I thought about all the horrible shit I had done too when I was drinking. Hell, I have two DUIs. I am so incredibly lucky that I never hurt anyone, or worse, killed anyone when I drank and drove about a million times. But I have also had to find a way to forgive myself. I cannot undo the past. I mean countless numbers of men have done this to me in my lifetime. I have been in situations where the men took it too far, did not listen to me saying no, did things to me that when I sobered up made me feel violated.
I was never raped in these drunken situations, but I have been that woman who had to keep saying no and had to push the dude off of me. And I did not deserve any of it, no woman on the planet ever deserves that. Even if she is intoxicated or dressed provocatively, or both, like myself about a hundred thousand times in my life.
Dear Concerned Girlfriend,
No woman should ever be violated if she says NO. I am not on board with that not-listening-to-us-saying-no shit, even if you are drunk. Intoxication is never an excuse that you violated someone. Can I forgive myself for being a reckless drunk who did some very bad and illegal things? Does another who expresses deep remorse too for what he has done in his life deserve my forgiveness? Yes, I believe he does. Of course this is all circumstantial, because the circumstances matter.
The remorse for it matters.
- dating vs open relationship?
- Should I date a sex offender?.
The courage to tell me upfront matters. Will I date Jacob the registered sex offender? Will I have an open mind to it? I will have an open mind because everyone has a story behind how they ended up where they are in this life. We all need to be more willing to not immediately judge someone because of what we see on paper. On paper, I have two DUIs which automatically makes me look like nothing but a criminal and a drunk, and it has followed me my entire adult life I got the first DUI when I was Because of what is on paper, I actually got kicked out of nursing school at a prestigious university I worked my ass off to get into.
I have moved on from it now, but at the time it ruined my life and was probably the single-most devastating thing that had ever happened to me. But that is a story for another day friends.
I just found out i'm working with a convicted sex offender
Thank you kindly for reading my work. I appreciate it with everything that I am. Sign in Get started. It is not unheard of for the legal system to have made a mistake, but it is also difficult to find out whether he is telling the truth. As you move forward with your life, it will be prudent to look at all the factors involved and weigh them equally when making your decision. As you move forward it will be helpful to take into account his actions now, whether he is showing any warning signs, and perhaps to look at other factors in his life such as the following:.
A neutral party may be helpful as additional support for you, or you and he both, as you figure out whether you want to choose to move forward with this relationship or not. I understand that this is not always an easy task, and you may not find out immediately. Please share your feedback on this question. Should I date a sex offender?
Dear Stop It Now! As you move forward it will be helpful to take into account his actions now, whether he is showing any warning signs, and perhaps to look at other factors in his life such as the following: Taking into account that there will be a discrepancy regarding whether or not he sexually abused his nephew has he told the whole truth about the surrounding circumstances of the event? How did he do in treatment or probation?
Would You Date a Registered Sex Offender?
What has he done in the years since? Has he made moves to better his life?
Has he gotten in trouble? If so, for what? Has he completed a drug rehabilitation program? Is he clean now? Have you met his family or close friends? What do they have to say about him?
Related just found out im dating a sex offender
Copyright 2019 - All Right Reserved