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She added, "It's so hard to think of a time when someone has brought up my heritage respectfully. I don't think it's happened yet. One question you should never, ever ask: Ultimately, there is no polite or respectful way to ask someone what their race is on a dating app or IRL. The best way to find out the answer to that question is to just wait for the person to bring it up themselves — which it inevitably will along with the other details that surface in the getting-to-know-you process, such as where you went to college or how many siblings you have.
Questions like "where are you from? The implication is that you're other, that you somehow don't belong. You are a curiosity instead of a possible date. The Internet has a tendency to amplify both our best and worst traits. Our racial biases fall in the latter category. It would be great if no one came into the dating world with racial biases, but when people are forced to make snap judgments from profile photos on apps like Tinder and Grindr, even those with the best intentions can say or do offensive things they might not necessarily mean, or categorize and fetishize people without realizing it.
We make a lot of assumptions based on physical appearance, and a person's racial background is no exception. So if you've just matched with a woman on Tinder and you think, "wow, you don't look Chinese" is an acceptable opener, think again. Don't bring it up.
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Look past the "exotic" picture and try to see whether they're a person you could enjoy spending time with. And if the answer is yes, for the love of God, don't ask "what" they are. Most recent Six places to visit that are actually more fun in the winter. What happens if you lose your passport abroad?
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