Women, on the other hand, message and respond most often to men about their own age. Once they reach 35, women actually respond more often to younger guys. But because men are usually the conversation starters, the older-man-younger-woman paradigm prevails. Alright, so maybe OkCupid en masse follows dating age conventions, but what about those women who want to flip the norm on its head? How difficult is it for them to date a younger man?
What I found was kind of surprising. When men message women, women tend to respond most often to men around their own ages.
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A year-old woman will have better luck messaging a year-old man than a year-old one, according to the data. And a year-old man is more likely to respond to a message from a year-old woman than a message from any other age group. When women make the first move, the age gap dating norm is reversed. I asked my friend Trevor, a year-old mathematician, what he made of it. They have more interesting jobs and hobbies, and their profiles are just better … no stupid selfie-only profiles.
Did that explain it? Across all ages, straight women write shorter profiles than straight men. And then there are those year-old women who really clean up with the year-old dudes. Cindy has been dating men in their 20s for the past 15 years. Working in tech, she sometimes feels she has more in common with somethings than older men. When I spoke with women who message much younger men on OkCupid, most of them told me something similar. If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you.
I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy , I'm not so sure. Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing. I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date? Her or other men? It's a fine age gap for anyone.
Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. I tried to not let it bother me but it did. OK, I'm here to tell you: You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"? You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic. You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
It is weird in the sense that it's not typical and it is something some people might look down on you for. Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship. It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman.
Why do you care what's "normal"? Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date? While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK.
Then of course there's the unnecessary stereotype that her being over 30 for five minutes means she is now turning at least some of her attention to baby-planning. They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet.
I'm 26 years old and I've dated a number of women in their late 30s in the last few years. It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different. For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive. Someone 5 years older than you is not old enough to be your mother, so "MILF" seems quite a bit off. My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference. I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
Since you are asking, and given the words you chose, she is too old for you. Older women tend to respect themselves more and have higher standards.
In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers. I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest. Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty. Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman..
You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. When I was 34 I was dating a 27 year old. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped. Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time.
No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident.
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I am eight years older than my husband, and our respective ages have never been an issue between us. Except when he makes fun of 80s music. People have already given your grief for describing yourself as a 26 year old boy and caring about the opinion of an anonymous bunch of dudes on OKCupid, so I'll spare you on that front. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them? Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care.
I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years. I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet.
I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc. Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us. I'm 29 and my girlfriend is There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup. I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments?
Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women. And they had data to back up something women being awesome!
- Undressed: What’s the Deal With the Age Gap in Relationships?.
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Honey, five years is an age gap when you are a child. Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. I skipped to the end. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages. Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same.
I'm a 30 year old woman. I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. As the bard said, love the one you're with. If she's OK with you, you should be too.
Can Women In Their 30's Dating Men In Their 20's Ever Actually Work?
When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's. We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity. If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time. You haven't even asked her out. Cart before the horse.
I hope you've worked through your previous issues. I think you need a lot more confidence and grounding, but that's just me. I'm 16 years older than my husband, we have been together for 7 years both dating and married. I'm not a MILF or a Cougar and spent most of the early years of the relationship worrying about the age difference, it has never bothered him. You like who you like, ask her out and if she says yes I hope you both have fun. If it becomes serious you won't care about the age difference, and if it's only a bit of fun for both of you, you might learn something about yourself and women.
Forget about what people on OKCupid say, what people say online to make themselves look "cooler" rarely has any actually relationship to what they'd do if they had the chance in real life. Also face early thirties deosn't look that much different to late 20's its not like she's got grey hair and a walking stick, no one is going to look twice. Are you sure that they've failed at competing? I suspect that men who date older women have realized that the only way to win at "my girlfriend is younger than yours" is not to play. Put another way, do you really want the respect of men who think this way about women?
Would it really make you feel better about yourself? This is not enough data to say anything about you. In fact, the only thing this tells me is that you are into this particular 31 year old woman. It could, maybe, suggest that you're more into 31 year olds than other women. If you really need to be older than your lady, just wait until you're 32 and start hitting on the 31 year olds. Ta da, problem solved.
Can Women In Their 30's Dating Men In Their 20's Ever Work? | Personal Space
Or you could realize you're being ridiculous and ask this one out now. This is only an issue if it's made into an issue. Live your life, man. I was 27, he was A week later he turned 21 and 2 weeks after that I was It didn't last, but he's still one of my favorite people in the world. We still root for each other. And it wasn't because of our ages that it didn't work out. But even if it was, that doesn't mean it wouldn't have been worth it.
That age gap itself is fine. But the fact that it concerns you and you have to ask this question says to me, pretty strongly, that you personally shouldn't date this woman. My oldest brother is 12 years younger than his wife. They have been together for 37 years and are happy by all accounts. So yeah, it works. Whomever started that cougar and milf shit should die in a fire. I have been described as an "old soul", so it's not surprising I get along well with older women.
As a year old, I dated a year old. In all cases, it was two people being attracted to each other, not two numbers. Just be open and honest, listen to both your heart and your mind, and it is hard for things to go too wrong. Don't worry about it. My wife is 5 years older than I am. We met and knew within 3 days that we were meant for each other, and we've been married for 30 years. Last summer I dated a woman who is nearly five years older than me. I never cared a bit about the age difference. She, on the other hand, never seemed to get over the age gap. Thus, we only lasted a couple of months.
But, had she been OK with the gap as I was , the relationship may have lasted a good bit longer. TLDR - Age difference is only a problem if you think it is. My male fiance is younger than me, a lady! And honestly, it's normal to freak out about this stuff even if you are super-enlightened. I consider myself super-feminist, but still had this idea in my head that women don't date younger men, because they're less mature, and make worse relationships.
My fiance reminded me that we share the same cultural touch points. Y craze that lasted all of about five minutes? That said, while it's normal to worry about it briefly, if you stick with these concerns, it might mean that there are some lingering insecurities. I've done it at 30 and She was a little uncomfortable with the idea for the first month, worrying that maybe she was too old for me, but it turned out to be fine. We just enjoyed the hell out of each other. Here's a good rule of thumb: Question any assumption that requires you to judge a woman negatively for being a woman and doing the same damn thing as you.
In other words, either a five year age difference between consenting adults is creepy or it isn't. The older party being a woman doesn't somehow make it wrong, that's a sexist double standard and it's bullshit. Think of it this way: Does that sound like any kind of healthy or happy way to approach a relationship?
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