My advice to you is this: Be open with your partner. Communication is key but can be hard obviously. It's good to just sorta I dated a guy with aspergers. It just didn't work out because all he wanted to talk about was engineering I started to just feel stupid and he became too clingy. I dated a guy with aspergers for a while, though his was somewhat mild compared to his brother at least.
It was fine most of the time, although sometimes I had to take him aside to discuss how he reacted or responded to people when he didn't realise that he was upsetting them or something. It wasn't really a problem in our relationship, I work in tech and know quite a few people with aspergers so it's not a huge issue for me. When we broke up it wasn't related to his aspergers, he developed really bad alcoholism really quickly and then cheated on my with his ex.
And I have met people with Asperger's that try to blame everything on it. And you can't say that cheating happens cause you missed a social cue. That kind of person just makes the world more difficult for people with Asperger's who are not assholes. I know another guy with aspergers, he is a total creep like, fingers in his trousers while watching people, literally a known pedophile and he tries to say that it's just 'awkwardness' because his aspergers stops him fro understanding social cues.
I went out with a guy with Asperger's for a few weeks, but I didn't know it until after we broke up. I broke up with him few weeks into the relationship because he was needy, clingy, melodramatic, and way more involved in the relationship than I was.https://junglipoprerag.ml/five-essays-on-the-art-of.php
Had I known he had Asperger's, I would have been more understanding in regards to how he was, instead of just writing him off as a pain in the ass. That being said, the relationship still wouldn't have worked out. In regards to your sex question, we never had sex, we didn't even kiss. There's a whole other story to that.
It had nothing to do with his Asperger's though.
He came on VERY strong, which was very flattering for younger-me. He seemed really normal at first, but once I got to know him, his quirks started to stand out and made him seem much less attractive. I started dating him when I was a teenager. I broke up with him when I was in my early 20's and he was still Basically an emotional teenager. I changed and matured; he didn't. He had pretty much no ambition or drive for personal improvement. He would do something if I suggested it, but he would never take the initiative to do anything on his own.
He used his Aspergers as an excuse, instead of trying to find ways to work around it. Sometimes I felt like his mom, which is pretty much the biggest turn-off ever. I married a guy with it. Like you, he can be clingy and possessive. His brain, at times, can overwhelm me and seems to work at a billion miles a minute. He literally does not get hints - I always tease that he's lucky to have me because I'm pretty blunt, but it can get frustrating and feel as though he's not empathetic. He'd never surprise me with a gift or anything because, according to him "if you want something, ask. I'd rather have real than romance, however, and I have always known this about him, though, and I try to accept him as he is.
To compound, I am As in, I don't pick things up quickly, but when I do, I'm very thorough. He, however, is "quick" and a fast learner. This can sometimes make me feel inferior, and he has a tendency to interrupt. I called him early on that - in my family and personality, interrupting is the ultimate disrespect and wildly frustrating. He is, by far, the best person I know. I've learned to deal with the Asperger's as it affects him - it can be frustrating at times because our respective personality's flaws can be oil and water, though.
My partner of 3 years hasn't officially been diagnosed but shares a lot of the traits of Aspergers and has even suggested that he thinks he's somewhere on the autism spectrum. I'm his first serious girlfriend at nearly At the moment things are very challenging. He is more clingy than I am, at the moment. Sometimes he's too honest and I feel criticized.
He's not romantic in the slightest, which is something I can live without but it still makes me a little sad. He's only just recently given me flowers for the first time. He's never given me a card, but has given me some very thoughtful and expensive gifts in the past. Sex is definitely different. Again, I like romance - more romantic kissing, etc. But he just isn't very good at it. I often find myself getting frustrated as I don't think he's very sexually intuitive - e. I'm trying to be better about communicating, but it is hard as he isn't naturally romantic.
I know I need to be better about communicating, but honestly right now I just feel exhausted. I was supporting him through a stressful time last year, and now I'd like for him to support me and I could have a bit of a break, but no luck. I still love him, but have a lot of pretty serious doubts about our longevity at this point.
I'm a 23 year old woman with Aspergers and I'm nine months into my first real relationship with a guy I've known for five years and we haven't had any problems that I know of so far. In fact, one of the reasons he's so happy with me is because I'm not clingy and possessive whatsoever compared to his last girlfriend. I'm a 26 year old woman with Aspergers, my longest relationship was 4 years, my current relationship is 15 months, we've talked about children, marriage etc.
I'm not worried about the future because my partner doesn't just accept my struggles and let me "get away with" things. We work together to get through tough times and he supports me when I shutdown or start to freak out in a social situation. I think if you find a loving, understanding partner there's nothing to really worry about. To answer OPs sex question, I don't think autism makes a difference. I've been in 3 long term relationships 2 years, 4 years and my current, 15 months and the sex has been different in each of them. I'm a 32 year old woman with Aspergers; I'm a year into a relationship with a guy who appreciates greatly how blunt, logically-oriented, non-clingy, non-possessive, and open I am - things I also appreciate about him.
I don't worry about my future because we have terrific communication and he supports me when I need to withdraw and even provides me with the sort of sensory overload hugs I need to deal with things without freaking out. I don't think Autism makes the difference.
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It's more about both partners being open and willing to communicate and compromise. And sex is sex - that's going to be different from partner to partner regardless of brain chemistry. That fact that you are worried mean you will probably be alright. You are likely willing to compromise and communicate and avoid the problems that are causing these conflicts. The "why do ypu all ant to know?
Welcome to Reddit,
About what you post: About how you post it: I just can't make friends or have coworkers like me or even not piss off my family. I meet people I want to be friends with, but I can never seem to get it to go from acquaintance to actually someone who does stuff with me and talks to me outside of however we know each other and I don't know what I do wrong. Luckily, I find it easy to make friends but very difficult to go beyond that. I'm sure I could learn a lot from you, and you from me.
NT here dating an aspie for over 3 years now. He had a serious year relationship before me as well Honestly, you just have to find someone who understands you and communicate A LOT. I wouldn't "try" so hard Just have to let things happen. My boyfriend isn't romantic in the physical way at all but he is genuine.
I love him with all my heart. To me, he's perfect. You'll find someone, just be patient. I think relationships in general have to be handled or learnt a bit differently when you have Asperger's, yes. However, there's a lot of it especially in what concerns romantic relationships and what you find attractive and how long it takes to develop said attractions that boils down to a bunch of personality traits that have little to do with Asperger's.
One could say it's all interconnected so it's hard to draw a line; that's a reasonable argument. So even if I wouldn't have Asperger's I might have trouble with this. Now I only have a name for why I am this way. This is a good lecture about love. I'm going to start this post with disclaimer I'm 26 and not your normal aspie I'm extroverted which helps but hinders a bit with social interaction. I have anxiety as well go in me right?
I've found going up that the best piece of advice is a cliche be your self. I've found it is best to only try to entertained yourself it doesn't matter if you entertain other people because you don't have live with other people you only have to live yourself. I hope that helps. I dated a series of men when I was I had 5 "boyfriends," each one lasting no longer than 2 months. I haven't dated in four years, but I am lonely. Part of the problem was that I am mostly attracted to women and was trying to force myself to be with men. So stopping dating men helped.
But I still haven't dated any women. A little less than a year ago, I came out of the closet and realized that I am very attractive to gay women. I am actually a transgender man, because I can't do anything the easy way, but lesbian is close enough for now. Once or twice a month, I go out to gay bars and start drinking. I wait until someone approaches me, and then we do whatever she wants. It's not really a perfect system. If no one approaches me, I just go home. Or if someone buys me a drink, but I'm not attracted to them, then I just leave. And I've never gone home with anyone.
People have invited me to leave with them before, but I just get scared and run away. It was helpful in a few ways. I learned what kind of women I'm interested in, and what I'm interested in doing with them. But I'm still likely to get overly anxious and just "turtle" go into my shell. I still go out, and if an attractive girl approaches me and wants to fool around, I will, but I don't really go looking for it anymore.
I just like being around people, and the alcohol makes me less anxious and awkward. So that's how I hook up with people.
- Dating women with Asperger's Syndrome : dating_advice;
- Romantic relationships : aspergers.
- Please share advice for dating an aspie : aspergers.
As for long-term romantic relationships, I have no idea how to do that. It's never happened for me and I have no idea where to begin. I can't get it either. I'm not asexual but the thing I crave is being appreciated. Like have someone I can surprise with a gift or take care of when she gets sick. I can only associate with smart, kind people and I feel hopeless at times because if I was most interested in looks I'd at least know whom to go for, but I have to get super stressed out just to find out if she's even respectable.
Relationships are so easy for NTs it seems. If I encounter a problem in a relationship I'll sort of think how close we can get by working on it, whereas she just thinks to find someone else. The aspergers getting hooked on thoughts sucks so bad when it replays breakups and rejections when I'm trying to sleep. This is how I know being gay isn't a choice. If I could be gay with my friend I would, but women are only attractive to me.
Reminds me I'm just totally powerless against pheromones and chemicals and shit. Also my paranoia makes it really hard to trust people. This subject is my weak point to say the least. I have many failed relationships, only one lasting a year. A couple were even turning abusive. Thankfully I got out before it got bad. I will save those stories for another day.
Want to add to the discussion?
Flirting takes practice and learning to recognize when you are being hit on can be difficult but can be done! Casual dating is fun and a good way to learn, in my opinion. It is hard to find someone to is willing to not go straight to the bedroom after date 2. Thank you ever-changing social expectations. Finding someone who is compatible in personality, chemistry, and has similar morals is challenging, but after a while, you know what to look for and be able to steer clear of people who are not worth the energy on. You can do it but NT's have a different set of habits and understandings. So it's hard to communicate.
I would go read Asperger's syndrome in long term relationships to have a better idea of what's it's like for a NT to date someone with aspergers. And maybe just go out and meet people. I'm 19, have aspergers, and am gay. I'm probably destined to be single. You know its bad when your own mother is constantly telling you that there is nothing wrong with being single for life. What am I going to do? Most guys out there are only looking for hook-ups, not full-on relationships, and I have an intense fear of being manipulated and taken advantage of.
I never had a problem with Romantic relationships as they all formed out of friendships which i made online with other people who were quirky. Started a relationship with another person with Asperger's in my late teens. I've had a couple secondaries during that time, which is of course complicated but wonderful as well, in their own way. I can't say relationships are easy but by pouring focus, effort, time, and resources into them I do seem to actually be quite good at long-term relationships where the general goal is the happiness of all.
I just have to approach it in a craftsman-like manner and do away with pathos, insecurity, and refusal to both think clearly and do the needful.
- dating time to say i love you.
I've never had a casual relationship and likely never will. Far better to be in love. And regardless, I fall in love and stay in love. Really doesn't take all that much, honestly. My counselor told me to consider taking anti anxiety medication and I take it when I have that problem which is now rare. Certainly some things I was still learning about socializing but I was still dating and later got married.
If you talk more about the specific social issues maybe we can help. Non judgemental here, I have made tons of mistakes with AS. Tell me about it. At no time do I feel under such immense pressure to be absolutely perfect. I have to be interested but not too interested. I have to be funny but not too funny. I have to be nice but not too nice.
I have to answer every question perfectly; I can't stand incessant stupid "tests" "do you think she's pretty? I think women feel pretty "meh" about me in general, so they're looking for small things to make up their mind.
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