I honestly think that some of my "attached" friends want me to date and get into some sort of serious relationship because of jealousy because I have the freedom to choose what I want to do and they cannot because of commitments that were promised by their other half. Whenever I even start to consider dating someone, I always remind myself of the past and how unhappy I became because of a lack of the freedom I previously had and a choking feeling like someone was restricting my freedom of movement. I really don't understand these studies that say married people live ;onger than singles.
I wish people would stop inferring people who do not want to date are anti-something because in all honesty, a lot of us are just pro ourselves. Even when in recent times I remotely considered dating again, I usually put that idea back on the shelf when I realized that person was not interested enough in my own comfort.
I think we all have to hold out for what is best for us, and why should we ever settle for anything less?! Could not agree more. I just realize at my age that there are probably no men out there that can give me what I want, or that I will give them what they want. I have a great job, great friends, close family members, and have arranged my life in a way that makes me happy and I think I provide other people with happiness, as well.
So, best thing for me is to be true to myself and embrace life. You did the right thing Brian. Maybe you should start a blog to help other single parents get their priorities straight, or at least focused on what is most important: You are right on SweetiePie in that the focus of those of us who are single parents should be their kids.
I was astonished when I tested the dating waters that it wasn't the case among the single moms I encountered, and a far off concept to the one career single woman i was set up with. I was even accused of being selfish for choosing to attend the Friday night football game last year all three of my girls were playing in the marching band together for the first time and going to their schools band competition the next day rather than go on a weekend getaway with her.
She had found a place to stash her kids for the weekend and pointed out mine were old enough to be left alone. What I couldn't get her to understand was that I live for these school events. This is where I see the payoff for all of the music lessons and the times I waited for them to get done with volleyball practice and such. The window is closing faster than you think on getting to see my girls do these things. Two years from now, this will be done when my youngest graduates.
She kept saying there will be other games, I say I want to see them all. She got walking papers right then and there and maybe went on her trip alone. No loss for me, my girls didn't like her anyway. I don't need a significant other in my life to complete it. Who need that kind of stress? And this was one of the good ones. I am glad to see that someone agrees with me.
- dating spots in cebu?
- taking the next step in online dating.
- 30 Signs That Someone Isn’t Actually Interested In Dating You.
Twenty years from now, the woman I ditched to go to a high school football game will unlikely remember or care that she was upstaged by my girls. My girls will remember and laugh because their dad didn't get pressured into doing something he did not want to do with someone he didn't care all that much for to begin with. You sound like a good dad.
“I’m 25 and I’m Not Interested in Dating Men OR Women”
I wrote another hub awhile back talking about how divorced parents should focus on their kids rather than just dating, which I hear a lot of kids complain about actually. Even growing up kids my age would complain about how their mom's new boyfriend or dad's new girlfriend was getting so much attention, so even though you are not divorced, your situation is similar in that you are raising the kids on your own. Some people never seem to realize maybe their kids could be their companions, but I think it is cool that you do. Your kids will grow up knowning that you cared, and that they are not just an obligation for you until they turn I am single again due to being widowed after being married 19 years.
I gave dating a shot when I felt ready. It really is not for me. Being a single parent as well, I really am not "alone". The last thing a middle aged single parent needs is someone else adding pressure and making demands from you. I'll have to say the last 8 years of my marriage were filled with pressure and anxiety that at times was debilitating.
It was not my late wife's fault, she could not help it. That's part of your marriage vows.
People Who Will Never Want to Date Again (Or at Least Not For Awhile)
But now that time has past and those wounds have healed, I don't see a good reason to "put myself back out there" again. I had rather focus on getting my kids raised and on their feet in the world instead and take care of myself for a change. The companionship bit is grossly overrated in my opinion.
I don't want the responsibility of making sure someone else is happy. Things can change, someone may fall out of the sky and knock my socks off as my friends say. I'll believe it when I see it, but I certainly won't go out chasing my tail looking for her. I will be content seeing my daughters through high school to college and going to their band concerts and sporting events in the meantime.
Glad you enjoyed this hub Mariah. Actually, I think the country is catching on a bit because I just read something in Marie Claire talking about how more people are choosing to be single these days, and it is not the horrific thing our grandparents made it out to be. Yes we are still surrounded by friends and acquaintances who always need to be in a relationship, or pursuing marriage as a life goal, but there is a very good likelihood a lot of those people will not be together in a few years anyway. It is better to focus on your own life rather than just trying to fill the void, so to speak.
I've had this problem all my life. My friends always want me to "get back in there. Its too complicated, dramatic, and too much compromising.
Perk #1: Less Arguing
I just want to spend my life as a fun, adventurous bachelorette, doing the things that I want to do in life. It really encouraged me. I can completely understand your viewpoint and give you much respect for having the guts to go "against the grain" of what society says we should be doing and constantly rams down our throats. Being a 40 yr old male, I've never really given marriage much thought until recently and I have to say that my heart weeps for you just a little bit not pity in any form, just a slight spiritual sadness , even though I know you don't want that. I've really been working on getting to know myself lately and am finding that when I am able to quiet my mind, my inner voice seems to be guiding me, without me even being conscious of it.
Even though I've have been betrayed horribly in past relationships, I'm starting to feel a longing, a sense of incompleteness that I've never felt before. The more negative energy that I expel from my life, the more positive my outlook becomes. This "positive energy" has been compounding on itself and the resulting "build-up" seems to resonate with everyone I come into contact with. As a result, I now believe that the "Law of Attraction" is not just a myth, but a Universal truth.
All I'm trying to say is that I believe, no matter how much you may think you don't want something, the universe just might have a different opinion and may in fact, change your thinking altogether. I say this now, because I am experiencing it as I write this. Sorry if I got too metaphysical, I just felt compelled to reach out to you Wishing you love and light. I agree with this so much and really wish I could meet more people who felt relationships aren't for everyone.
I just wish to finding a balance and life for myself and not worrying about how to make my needs mold and conform for another. Seen three divorces this month in my family and best friend. I just do not wish to feel any of the let down and pain that will follow. So why not be happy in solitude?
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Never understood why some have to say, "Oh you have to get back out there". No, there are plenty of break-ups, bad relationships, and divorces in the world, so if you just prefer being on your own and not dealing with that drama, I think it is a lot easier actually. Even in the best relationship I always hear nagging and complaining between both parties, and as an outsider looking in, that does not strike me as a picnic. I am 35 male been single all my life an hope to be that way. I have dated some girls.
I never found the right girl so I gave it up. I decided to update the hub because I realize I am most likely going to be a life long single person, and I would like to remove the stigma of that. People say some really odd things to you if you decide being in relationships or a relationship is not for you. Some how their fears of one day being "all alone" are encapsulated in your decision to be single, and they just have to confront that head on. Three weeks ago when I got sick I made myself soup and took care of myself, and I was just fine.
Maybe because I have always done things this way it seems perfectly fine, but I know to some people this is the scariest thing imaginable. It is very OK to be single and you stated here very important points. Some people feel much more themselves when "alone" and I very much admire that.
The Introverts Retreat A dating dry spell can also be of benefit to a person that tends to be somewhat of an introvert and needs a retreat from the outside world at the end of the day. Freedom To Do My Own Thing In a marriage or a steady relationship there often shared responsibilities with your partner, such as: Questions must be on-topic, written with proper grammar usage, and understandable to a wide audience. I just found out that another one of my latest date was using me. Alex, I think you are more mature than you think.
Is the author still single? I haaate when people encourage me to get out there. Hi laxl, I wish people would stop inferring people who do not want to date are anti-something because in all honesty, a lot of us are just pro ourselves. Brian, You sound like a good dad. Hello, I've had this problem all my life. Hi SweetiePie, I can completely understand your viewpoint and give you much respect for having the guts to go "against the grain" of what society says we should be doing and constantly rams down our throats.
Hi, first timer on a hub. Hi SueMi, Never understood why some have to say, "Oh you have to get back out there".
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Nobody is that busy and when someone is genuinely interested they find the time. Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.
You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. A website by Thought. They treat you like an option. So definitely check it out. At least you would have some kind of answer. In particular, try to find group activities such as hiking clubs, which involve both men and women actively doing something of mutual interest. My husband has a female cousin who is very similar to you LW. However, it bothers me for her and for you that people feel the need to make this a big deal for you.
Amanda April 3, , LW, I think that you should consider getting new friends. Dump these people and date only if YOU want to. LW, you might consider getting a medical check up. MsMisery April 3, , 1: Maybe join groups for things that interest you, take classes, or even get a therapist to try and help figure YOU out. Not FIX you, mind you, I think everyone can use a little therapy. A few questions — — For those who said they had friends like the LW, were they all females?
When I hit puberty I was the stereotypically teenage boy. Just about anything and everything would get me aroused. It seems to me that the default thinking is that high libido is good and low libido is bad. In a relationship I think the most beneficial thing is to have a closely match libido to your partner, regardless of whether it is high or low. I would also guess that a couple comprised of two low libido partners would be fine with their sexual lives, but over a long period of time, a couple comprised of two high libido partners would eventually get bored of each which would likely cause problems.
My boyfriend is was one — I was his first kiss at And not for lack of opportunity, just interest, as far as I know; he has plenty of ladies in his social circle and several close female friends. I was a late bloomer too, only slightly less so — I had a few read: John Farrier April 3, , 3: That can help both of you avoid any friend-zoning issues. Millie April 3, , 5: I had to jump in here. I love seeing my friends in deep relationships, and sometimes I wonder what that would really be like, but I am comfortable being alone, and have accepted that I am unlikely to have a life partner at this point.
And you know what? But I do read relationship sites partly to just understand what others are going through… because it is a little like being an alien. Maybe for you, maybe not. Lindsay April 3, , 5: In reference to what Wendy said about not being romantically attracted to someone, there is a difference between romantic and sexual attraction, and not knowing that is sometimes what can make it so hard for a person to determine whether they are asexual or not.
You may have gone to AVEN, this online community for asexuals, already, but if not, you might want to check it out. Even if you decide not to identify as asexual, it might be nice to hear from folks who see dating similar to you. Simonthegrey April 3, , 9: LW — sorry for chiming in so late. I was 28 when I met the guy who is now my husband. My best friend, who lives with us, is 31 now and has been on exactly one date. Up until I met Mr. TheGrey, my best friend and I identified as asexual.
We were active on an asexuality forum. It is a LOT more common than you think. Only if it bothers you; my best friend never has, and I never did either. All sexuality is a spectrum. If you want to date, do it. PH September 19, , 4: We have the freedom to think for ourselves.
PattyFromTexas September 12, , 8: Just assume anyone you date will be thinking of sex. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Dear Wendy April 3, Columns 60 comments. Oh okay then I skimmed wiki wrong. I knew I married him for a reason! Nor are you actually a friend, if all you want is to sleep with them.
Related no interest in dating
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